Tina and The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

On Tuesday morning I woke up to Nadia whining and crying about having to wear socks. It was 41 degrees outside. She was going to have popsicle toes without wearing socks and all the moms at the school would say I was a bad mommy to let my baby outside in the cold weather without socks because it's always the mommy's fault when their babies don't have on socks and she already has a cold with lots of green boogers in her nose and she coughs and sneezes in my face and wipes her boogers on my clothes. I could tell right away that it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

For breakfast I had to make a different breakfast for all three kids. I made oatmeal for Aidan and then he refused to eat it because it didn't taste like how his daddy makes it and then Makena started whining about how there was too much milk in her cereal and then Nadia asked for yogurt and took one bite and then said she didn't like it and no one else wanted to finish it because she has germs.

I think I need more coffee.

After breakfast and just before leaving for school my housekeeper shows up after not showing up on Monday and Makena and Aidan decided to take out the peg-and-rubber-band thingie and then when it was time to leave I ask them to clean up and put it all away. Then I brush Nadia's teeth and tell her to go potty and then she starts whining and crying about having to go potty and I tell her she has to go anyway so she cries louder. Then while she's screaming I check on Aidan and Makena and not only did they not clean up they made an even bigger mess by having a rubber band fight and now there are rubber bands all over the place so I yell at them about how they never clean up their toys when I ask them to and that I should just put all the toys in the house in the garbage and that I was not buying them anymore toys and that I was going to tell Santa not to bring any toys to my house but only socks and underwear and dental floss and nose spray. I make them cry. And then I start to cry and Nadia starts to cry because everyone else is crying except the housekeeper who thinks I'm insane.

I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

We are late getting to school because of all the screaming and yelling and boogers and not cleaning up and going potty so I make Aidan and Makena get out of the car at the curb instead of walking them in for line-up like I always do. Makena says that she doesn't know how to walk to her class by herself and there isn't enough time for Aidan to walk her to her class so she starts crying so loud with big fat tears that you'd think I had just run over her favorite pink stuffed poodle dog named Betsy and then backed up and ran over it again. All the mommies at the school were looking at me like I was an insane bad mommy for making her walk to her class by herself because it's always the mommy's fault when kids are late for school.

At Target I shop for an hour with a whiney snotty-faced loud demanding baby in the cart and we are in the checkout and the total was over two-hundred dollars and I think about my husband getting the credit card bill and giving me that look and then I realize that my wallet is at home and the cashier looks at me like I'm insane and the person in line behind me looks at the cashier and then looks at me like I'm insane.

I think I need a nap.

Then we get home and there is a contractor coming to the house to meet my husband so we could get a new heater and I ask Nadia if she has to go potty and she says no and while I'm getting Nadia a snack before naptime she pees her pants all over the leather couch and I get very mad so she has an early nap without a snack or sippy of warm milk and she is very mad and screams from her bed while we are trying to talk to the contractor about the stupid heater. The contractor thinks I'm insane. I could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Then I pick up the big kids at school and we get home and I say it's time to do homework. Makena finishes hers and Aidan starts working on his book report and then he starts to whine about not knowing the date and we figure out what the date is and then he cries for thirty minutes about how he doesn't want to write December he just wants to write the numbers and slashes for the date but he doesn't know what the numbers are and I try to help him but he just keeps on whining and crying and when I tell him that he needs to do his carrying on in his room he doesn't listen and goes to lie on the couch that Nadia peed on and scream and cry there instead of going to his room. I have to start dinner. When we finally get the date figured out and written down he starts crying about which book to do his report on and I tell him that if he takes too long to do his book report that he's going to miss out on hot chocolate with the new colored marshmallows. Then he took too long and missed out on hot chocolate and then he started crying and whining and screaming again and then cried again when he couldn't come up with a sentence about feet that rhymed walk with sock for his book report. It took almost two hours to do a 15-minute book report.

Then Nadia and Makena start bothering and annoying and disrupting Aidan so I send them to their rooms so he could concentrate and when I hear someone out of their room upstairs I go upstairs to see Nadia in the bathroom and she had pooped and peed in her pants in her bed and then went into the bathroom to take off her pants and underwear and got poop all over the bathroom floor and all over her hands and she had stepped in it too and has it on her feet. Then Chris comes home and I make him clean up the poop because I've had enough.

I think I'll have a double vodka on the rocks with a double vodka chaser.

Then I finish making dinner and my butternut squash soup is fantastic but I eat it fast so I could get up from the table and go upstairs in my room and put on Season 8 of Everybody Loves Raymond because it's my favorite show and sort and put away the 28957 loads of laundry that we'd been stepping over and moving around our room for over a week and my nail snagged on a sweater and tore and was bleeding and I said a whole string of really bad words. Raymond thinks I'm insane but Deborah understands me.

Then it's the kids' bedtime and Chris tells Nadia to stay in her room and I see her out of her room so I tell her to go back into her room and she sticks her tongue out at me so I give her a swat on her bottom and she cries and says but mommy I love you and tries to hug me and I don't hug her and just tell her to get in her bed. And then when I try to say prayers with Aidan he keeps clearing his throat and then tells me he's done and then he starts doing it again and interrupting prayers so I just turn around and walk out and I go into my bathroom and close the door and cry and look at myself like I'm an insane bad mommy.

Then I get a big hug from my saint of a husband who knew I was insane and married me anyway and then I take a valium and get in bed and watch HGTV until I fall asleep.

It was indeed a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day (except for the hug from my husband and the butternut squash soup because they were fabulous).

The next day I feel better and I talk to my mom who says that even people who live in Grenada and drink lots of vodka and take lots of naps have bad days too and that she was sorry and wished she could give me a hug. Wednesday was was much better than Tuesday which will always be known as my very worst terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. But there's always tomorrow.

(Many thanks to the adorable book by Judith Viorst "Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" which is my second favorite kids' book and the inspiration for this blog post.)

Comments

[lisa truesdell]

i've so been there.. big hugs and here's to a better tomorrow!

[Sharon]

this nearly sounds like my everyday (cept no snow or freezing temps here)...some are better than others! I feel your pain - and appreciate the hilarious way you've recounted it! Glad you;ve been able to find the humour out the day!

[Elizabeth]

OH, TINA.

[Jill]

so happy to read that others have stinky days like that...

[kribss]

i usually go and kick the cat and feel much better afterwards ;o)
glad to know i am not the only one with horrible, nothing goes right kind of days!

[Dalon]

oh this post is SO very much how my week has gone and now that I've read this I think I can journal about it and even maybe scrap a page on it and "release" - thank you SO much!!

[Dana]

Love it! Sorry about tour day, though!

[Jody]

...but Deborah understands me.
Too funny.
I think that it if it took you this long with 3 kids to have a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, you're doing a damn fine job :)

[hanna]

hugs and hoping today and the next few days are much better. BTW your pictures show how much your kids love you and what an AMAZING mom you are, hang in there.

[Alis in Wnderlnd]

Box it up and send IT to Australia. THAT is a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day; and perhaps worse than any of mine. I feel your pain.

[kristen]

Hilarious! I love that book too! It was one of my favorites to put on a reader's theater when I was a teacher...every kid relates! so...what's your first favorite book? ;)

[Alison]

That post was so with the wait. Sorry your day was so crappy. That which does not kill us or force us to kill our children, makes us stronger (or makes us understand why our grandmothers all drank alot).

[Stephanie]

Oh my goodness! Thank you SO much for sharing that, I had the biggest giggle reading that! I had my own terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day just yesterday and felt like the world's worst mommy. How lucky are we that our kids forgive us so quickly on those days!
And how lucky are we that we get a fresh start every morning!

[Aly D]

oh girl. i'm feeling for you. i love that book. and you're funny. hugs!

[Michelle M White]

Next time come visit us and hang out on the sofa...with babies! We do coffee first, then wine ; )

[Jennifer Larson]

Hysterical. And it gets better (and less snotty).

[Amy]

I hear you sister. Hang on.

[Valerie]

Kids! I know I shouldn't have but I did enjoy your post. Felt guilty chuckling through it. Hope your days are never worse! x

[Linda]

It's like somebody was writing about my own Tuesday from a couple of weeks ago... so glad I'm not alone in this!!

[Kathleen S.]

What I want to know is why there's a total blackout in how-to-raise-children books about Real Life With Anyone Under Twelve (adolescence is it's own minefield). I thought once they were potty trained,not using a binkie, and had rudimentary manners, life smoothed out. Ha. Ha. Hang in there, Tina . . have you noticed that saints mostly don't have children? That's the reason they're saints.

[Rayna]

I have days like this every so often where I end up locked in a room with a cocktail. It's a good thing kids are so cute....

I"m glad it got better.

[Kirsty]

OMG, I love that post, too freaking funny...well funny to read, not to experience I'm sure. Excellent mommy story!! :)

[cindy]

i LOVE that book!!! i'm so glad to have read this post, b/c it makes me realize even more that other mothers have days like this!!!

[Angela]

teeenaaa! omg - u just made my very-bad-day better! thank u for a great belly laugh, and for letting me know i'm not the only one. now that i'm officially inducted into the mommy-of-three club, i have many more of these days then i used to. love to you and your beautiful family. :-)

[RamonGustav]

Do you have a viable business but lack the necessary finances to get it off it’s feet?